Gender Biases

I’m going to rant a little. My blog, my rant.

             

While grocery shopping yesterday with my two kids, this polite, little old lady came up to me and said, “Aren’t you a brave babysitter coming to the grocery store with these two little ones?” Now, I know she meant it as a compliment and being offended is very petty of me, but I was. I tried my best to swallow my pride, smile, and say, “Yes ma’am.” It was probably a feebly attempt at best.

           

 This is kind of a big deal in my mind. I champion the cause of equality for women. Paul said, “In Christ there is no…male or female.” Women can lead just as well as men, especially in the life of a church.  I say that, not because I am married to a female minister and I have to believe that way, but rather because I believe that first and foremost, my wife thought I might be worthy of her time and investment.  I believe that gender roles are a human construct and short of a few physical capabilities, men and women are equal. (Let’s be honest, I’m not giving birth to a child.)

             

As I look out into the world, one of the things that keeps hitting me square in the face is not the battle over women’s right to be considered equal to men (which is still a battle in many places, especially the church) but rather the doubt or disdain toward men who assume the role that has long been placed on women. For example, my experience yesterday, I was considered the ‘babysitter’ rather than being the ‘parent’ of my children. I was not giving my wife a break from the kids by taking them to the grocery store.  She was earning income for our family, which I do as well. I was doing my parental duty of picking up groceries with my kids. That’s just how we do things in our house.

             

I grew up watching my father do laundry, so naturally I tend to do most of the laundry in our house. I grew up watching my father do dishes (on the rare occasions we ate at home because we were so busy and active as a family) so I do my fair share of dishes. I’m typically the one who prepares most of the meals we eat because I love to cook. There’s something about creating good food that feeds my soul. I enjoy, most of the time, giving my kids baths and putting them down for bed. And all of these things were typically done my wives and mothers for many, many years.

            

 I guess my point is this: gender biases go both ways. I would say to women, it is okay to expect more from your man than to just make money. Allow him space to be a good husband and parent, not just a part time babysitter or house cleaner. And to the men, get off your butt and help your wife. The call to both sides in any relationship is the same. To live together, complimenting and honoring the other, in whatever form that takes on. Don’t let the cultural norms stifle you from being who you believe that God calls you to be.

            

 That is all. Rant over. Thanks for reading.

What we don't need

Before meals we sing the blessing in our home.  It probably goes by many names, but I learned it as 'The Johnny Appleseed' prayer.  That really doesn't work for it now b/c we don't talk about apple trees anymore since we changed the words.  It goes like this:
OH, the Lord's been good to me.
And so I thank the Lord.
For giving me the things I need.
The food and the friends and family,
The Lord's been good to me.
Hallelujah! Amen!

So at dinner the other night, our son, who is going through a state of being very contrary about EVERYTHING sings,
OH, the Lord's been good to me.
And so I thank the Lord,
For giving me the things I don't need...

I just sort of let it go, not wanting to make a big deal, sort of the whole 'not letting him know where I keep my goat' kind of thing.  But as I reflected on it, I wondered, "Does God ever give us things we don't need?"

Somebody recently tweeted this poster that was up in a local elementary school.  The person commented, “I think this is funny.”  I’m sure that most people, myself included, chuckled a little bit when you first read the sign.  We can all think of people whom this sign would be useful, people whose body odor was bad. 

As I reflected on it more, my heart began to hurt a little bit.  This was at an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.  I’m sure that there are some really well off children who refuse to take a bath and stink.  Maybe one day my kids will rebel against baths. But what I worry about, more than those kids, are the ones who will read the sign who have not bathed because of issues like poverty and parents who struggle with addiction and such.  My heart breaks for kids who are already struggling at a young age because the almighty dollar is such a major driver of everything in our society.  In fact, I’m not sure that the sign is appropriate at all because some of the time, the kids who read this sign are not in complete control of their situation. 

Maybe I’m being too sensitive.  And if that is the case so be it.  As I have preached before, my prayer is that our hearts would break for the things that break God’s heart. Maybe this is one of those times.

Here I am in Tampa, FL for my first General Conference.  I have left South Carolina, my husband, my three year old son, and my nursing 6 month old daughter to gather with the people called Methodists.  So far so good.  I am a first reserve so my job is to hang out until needed.  

I have already gotten to see friends from seminary and from my home conference from Florida.  The connection is big and wide, but at the same time it is a small world and seeing familiar faces is one of the great things about holy conferencing.  

I will continue to blog throughout the week 12 days about the experience...we don’t officially start until today at 4pm.  Until then, I’m off to meet new people!

Peace,

Megan

Defined By My Wheels

I watched today as several very well dressed men, i.e. suits, all jumped into their Cadillacs to drive away. I thought to myself, “At least their cars match their dress.” That got me thinking about the different vehicles I have driven over the years and what they say or said about me. Here’s what I came up with.

In school, I drove a manual transmission GMC Sonoma pick-up truck. I was proud to drive a little pick up truck. Most of the time, you would find my dog in the cab with me. When I had to go long distances, my luggage was always wrapped in garbage bags to protect it from the rain. This probably led people to think I was heading to a dump somewhere with my trash. I could listen to my country music and feel right at home in my truck.

Upon graduation from Divinity School and entering into my first real job, I knew I had to come across as a little more professional. After looking at some bigger trucks, I went in the opposite direction and I began to drive a VW Jetta. I was young and wanting to be hip driving around town. The Jetta was perfect. It said, “I’m cool”, or at least that is what I thought it said.

After Megan and I married, and mostly due to her Honda Accord being totaled, it came time for us to purchase our first car together. We’re not really SUV people because of the whole environmental impact/gas mileage stuff. We knew we needed something a little bigger especially because we were hoping to have a family, so we bought a Subaru Outback. We had racks put on to hold our bikes and our kayak. In my mind, this said, “We’re down to earth, fun folks that love the outdoors.” We wanted to look trendy, even if we were going to be a family. No need to sacrifice cool points just because of kids, right?

Well, that was my feeling for a while at least. Now that we have two kids, I quickly became aware that my VW Jetta was no longer big enough. I could not even get both car-seats in the back. The time came to go big or to go home. Actually, we just had to go bigger. As we looked around, it became obvious to us that we only had one option that made sense. Swallowing my pride and giving up the notion that I will be ‘cool’ for any time in the foreseeable future, we went with the Honda Odyssey. That’s right, I now drive a mini-van. While Megan has offered to be the van driver in the family, I have found that I enjoy the perks of the new vehicle too much to allow this to happen. In truth, it really is a great ride with all the bells and whistles a new vehicle can offer. Besides, we are family now. I’m not ashamed of that in the least bit. I love the fact that we begin the ‘nighttime routine’ around 6:15 each night and around 8:15 Megan and I are downstairs to enjoy a few quality hours together. That’s just our life now and it is great. I wouldn’t trade it, or my new mini-van, for anything.

Brad

Let’s try this again

So for the last few months, I have been reading a lot of blogs. I’m realizing that this crazy thing we call the internet provides a voice to anyone and everyone. Some of which, I enjoy hearing, some of which I could do without. I’m sure our voice falls into that category, probably both, depending upon the day. But looking at our blog, I realize it has almost been a full year since we last touched it. And before that, it was spotty at best. We have tons of stuff going on in our lives right now, so the frequency of blogging might not be consistent. But once at least once a week, I’m (Brad) hoping to throw something out there, for better or worse. While updates on Facebook and Tweets are fun, they don’t provide the necessary space for a full voice to be heard. So here we go again.