Turning the Page

I've never been a big believer in changes that occur simply because of a new year.  Instead, I've always held the belief that each new day offers an opportunity to bring about a change in one's life.  I don't need the calendar to dictate to me when I need try to make changes to my life.  But I'll be honest, this year is different.  2013 can go ahead and get the heck up outta here.  I'm ready for 2014.

No doubt 2013 had some amazing moments.  We spent an extended amount of time at the Short Cabin in Colorado, we had some amazing Easter and Christmas celebrations at SAPUMC, tried some fun and creative things with the family and the church, and I'm sure I'm leaving out some pretty important 'firsts' along the way.

But the reality is that negative and disappointing far outweigh the celebrations and joys.  I'm a glass half full kind of guy, but this year has taken its toll on us something fierce. We began the year with some serious sickness.  We passed around every kind of virus imaginable, both strains of the influenza, strep throat, and the common cold about 12 different times.  From January until June, someone was sick in our household every single day.  We were constantly at the doctor's office or the pharmacy picking up medicines.  It was so bad that the church even brought some people in to check for mold and mildew in the house. They didn't find anything.

As the weather changed and it warmed up, we got a reprieve from the illness bugs that plagued us.  June and July were okay. Annual Conference and vacation book-ended these two months. 

August brought heartache. My mother's sister, my Aunt Lou, passed away after a really brief battle with cancer.  This meant mom was the last left living from her small immediate family.  My sister and I traveled to Chattanooga on a Sunday afternoon and returned the next day after an afternoon funeral.

In early October, SAPUMC's church secretary of 10+ years passed away from a brain aneurysm while at work.  The professional and personal loss were tremendous.  She was the one who taught me about SAPUMC and was going to be instrumental in our advancement in the future.  She was amazing at what she did and was simply a great person. This hurt a lot.

Several days later I had the first of two skin cancers (basal cell) cut out of my body, this one on my arm.  Two weeks later I went back to have the seven stitches removed, followed by a new incision to remove a spot on my neck.  This time I was left with an 8 inch gash that left me fairly immobile.  Two weeks later, I realized how costly this surgery was, as my should and neck muscles had atrophied.  I was left sore and hurting.  The scar still hurts from time to time and I still have not fully regained strength in my left arm.  I now have new found respect for those who live in chronic pain.  I'm sure I will get better, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it has been hard.

Shortly after Thanksgiving, Megan's grandfather, Rev. Mel Short, passed away.  He suffered from Parkinson's for several years. His passing brought relief, but also more sadness to all who knew him.  Because of cost and timing, Megan went to Wichita without me and the kids, which made it harder still.

So this Advent season, as we anticipated the birth of the one who will one day wipe away the tears from our eyes, it took on a different meaning.  The holidays can be hard for a variety of reasons, but the idea of things being made new and starting over has an especially strong pull this year.  I feel like I have been in survival mode for a very long time and on top of it all, I know others who have it a whole lot worse than we do.  Some are dealing with a tremendous amount of loss, tragic events, broken relationships and other near-unimaginable suffering. So I try not to whine, knowing it could be worse, much worse, but it doesn't really help with the heartbreak and pain.  That, I am sure, will heal with time, no doubt about it.  So just turning a calendar over to a new year won't make things magically better.  That will occur every morning with each time we open our eyes to a great day filled with new opportunities.  It will be a long journey back, more like a marathon rather than a sprint.  But a new year is a start and 2014 is a welcome sight.

Christmas Eve

I have always loved Christmas Eve.  It dates back to when I was ten.  The year was 1989. A few days before December 24th, my mother's mother died of a sudden heart attack.  Needless to say, that Christmas was much different from the previous nine.  The family gathered at the home of my now widowed grandfather, just as it had done in years leading up to this.  On Christmas Eve, because everyone was still in shock, we realized we didn't have any milk for Santa.  While I'm pretty sure I knew Santa wasn't real, we still had to keep up the charade for my sister's sake who was only seven.  So my cousin, 17 at the time, and I jumped in the car at 10pm in search of milk.  Now remember, it was 1989 and back then nothing was open, on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, and we were, my cousin and I cruising around downtown Anderson, SC.  It was awesome. We drag raced off every line as the light changed from red to green, I brief reminder of the fact that it was Christmas amidst the pain that we felt.  We would get that beat up car up to about 60 mph before we would come to a screeching halt at the next light. But I think what stuck with me after all the years was how alone we felt, not another car or person was in sight.  It was peaceful, a needed feeling after a tumultuous few days. I'm not really sure if we ever did get the milk.

A few years later, we began a new tradition for Christmas Eve. My mother served on the alter guild at our church and we were asked to help serve communion between the Christmas Eve services that were at 6 and 8.  Little did I know how much of a part of my life this would become.  For the next 10 years, even through my time in seminary, my family and I would spend Christmas Eve together serving the Body and Blood of Christ to our church family.  I remember how peaceful it was sitting in that sanctuary as we waited for people to come into the chapel.  I loved seeing the folks who had raised me as well as long time friends who were now separated by many miles.

When I was assigned to a church in downtown Columbia, I would no longer be serving communion on Christmas Eve to the people I had grown up with, but rather to people who now called me their pastor.  What I loved more than anything during those 7 years was the hour that followed our 7pm service.  By 8pm, downtown Columbia would be a ghost town on December 24th.  Again I was struck by the sheer peacefulness of the night.  What is always a busy and bustling city, at least for one time during the year, slows down and becomes quiet and still.

Now, I don't believe for one moment that the first Christmas Eve was anything but chaotic and crazy, probably filled with a certain amount of fear and trepidation for Mary and Joseph.  But somehow my yearly celebration and remembrance of the 24th is built around calmness. Well, that all changed last year.  With Megan and I serving separate churches, we somehow had to balance both churches' needs. So here's what we came up with: Megan would offer a kid focused 4pm service, we would do 6pm and 8pm at my church, and Megan would do another at  10pm. So basically we started around 3:30 and ended around 11:30.  It makes for a bit of a long day.  And we most certainly couldn't do it without the help of my parents taking the kids during the final two services.  It means we don't get to actually put our children to bed on Christmas Eve either, but they don't seem to mind.  That's also a small sacrifice for amazing blessing of presiding over the 2nd most popular worship service of the year. (Easter still reigns.) We will do it the same way this year and I cannot wait. It is going to be awesome. It will remind me again of how blessed we are to worship a God who came down to earth and embodied the very lives we struggle to live each and every day, a God who loved us so uniquely that rather than coming with power and strength, chose meekness and humility, a God who reigns in both the places of peace and utter chaos. So may you be blessed in however you choose to spend Christmas Eve this year.